The Turning Point In My Recovery was accepting that I would never ever get better.

Now I know this sounds opposite to what a lot of phyco-babblist will tell you. And it  gets even worse if your a Christian. If you are a Christian, then you have multi-million dollar organizations with unqualified people speaking emphatically, telling you that all you have to do is read your bible, buy their book and attend their conference and you will be A-O-K. And if your not A-O-K then somehow it is your fault, somehow you did not have the ‘faith’ to make it happen or you have got a secret sin somewhere.

I’ve read every book I could get over the last 20 years, particularly the last 5   relating to what I have to deal with on a daily basis that is a result of the abuse I experienced.

When I stopped looking for answers from others, when I stopped looking to God for a mind wipe or a miracle (yes I am a Christian and i do believe in the supernatural).

When I came to accept and  realized that even if I did get any of those things, it would not make a fundamental change to what I had to deal with on a daily bases.

When I accepted the fact that this was who I was and this is who I would always be.

When I stopped striving to have someone else’s story, someone else’s past, when I accepted the fact that these things where done to me…..when I did all of that, then for the first time I  received a glimmer of hope.

Sound counter-intuitive ? Let me try and explain it.

When your looking for a healing, when your looking for a cure, be it from God, a doctor or a pill, when you do this day after day after day and nothing changes  you get disappointed.

On the other hand,  when everyday you are still aware of how the effects of the abuse impacts and retards your ability to relate effectively and emotionally with the rest of the world you eventually get disillusioned and despondent.

When I moved from seeking ‘miracles’  to seeking the tools to manage this legacy,  all of a sudden I began to see progress. Little by little I have found the things I needed to manage my fears, my emotions, my rage, my unforgiveness. One tool a day was my aim and my prayer. After 12 months of one discovery a day I was further down the track than I was after the previous 4 years of believing for  one time big cure-all miracle.

Some people would call the change I have gone through as miraculous and I would tend to agree. But how I got there was not by looking or believing for a miracle, but by being willing to be shown the a daily tool that I needed to live  my life well. As a result I have never felt better or been filled with greater hope and possibility for my future.

My encouragement to you is simple….don’t look for a cure, don’t pray and ask God for a miracle, but look for and believe for the tools you need to manage your recovery, your illness, look for these things every day.

Travel well…the road is long, but it is worth the journey.

Dr John A. King

3 Responses
  1. There are a lot of people who might not agree with you but a lot of people will. Being able to accept where you are (being content in whatever state?) goes a long way towards progress. I’m glad you’re finding ways to cope and wish you all the best.

  2. Matt Saunders

    As a Christian I can see exactly where your coming from regarding the multi-million dollar church organizations. And I can also see how unqualified most people are. What most people do is leave their churches as they find there are no great big miracles to cure them of the grief we suffer at the hands of perpetrators. Often people will go a lifetime and never seek out the professional help needed to gain skills that must be gained in our effort to overcome.

    In the scriptures we read, Philippians 2:12–Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed–not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence–continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling…..

    Its crazy when you realize the scriptures (The Savior) advises mankind to work out your own salvation, without denying His grace.

    Believe it or not I feel you actually started to stop obeying mans way, which was to just tell you to read your scriptures, pray and otherwise shut up and color. And you started to listen to the very still and small voice of the spirit of God lead and guide you to seek out tools instead of miracles. God knows that its the journey which creates the new man and converts men to Christ and NOT the miracles.

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