Dad, why do women hate men?

I was sitting with my 15 year old son and he was looking at Pinterest with me, at some of my work, some of the people I interact with, and some of the material posted. He went quiet for a while, and I waited, and then he said, “Dad, why do women hate men?”

Before I launched into the, ‘That’s not true” response, I asked myself, “Why would he say that?” For the next 2o minutes, we went through pin after pin on board after board, the vast majority similar to the one I have posted in this article.

We talked about how he had been told by female relatives that “men are disgusting because all they want is sex.” He talked to me about how modern music and movies and TV shows seem to make men out to be stupid and incompetent.  How all the heroes in movies had become women–he didn’t mind that, he thought Black Widow was awesome and hot and said it was cool how a girl could be awesome and hot.

Here is my question to you: Ladies, are you helping your boys grow into men, or are you molding them into your own bitter images of yourself?

I was sexually, mentally and emotionally  abused by my mother and father and their friends from the age of 4 to 16.

I remember, and I write about it in my book, that my mother would have her friends come to the house, professors on womens’ issues from the university where she worked. As a 13 year old boy, I would be made to stand and address this group of 8 women. They would tell me that I had to argue the case as to what purpose men serve. Why should we allow men to exist? What role to men play in society except as sperm donors?

They would say things like, you do nothing for me that a cucumber or a vibrator can’t do better–at least they last longer that 2 minutes.

After week upon week of humiliation and degradation, all I could do was stutter and cry. At that point, when they had finally reduced me to that, they literally shouted for joy, “See, you’re useless.”

I have two daughters, and I have raised them to love themselves, believe in themselves and to fully enjoy life in the company of men. What my mother and my father did to me has never been allowed to touch my kids. I have gone out of my way to ensure that my issues don’t become theirs…What about you?

Have you been hurt by men? Maybe you have. Badly, quite possibly. But you have never been hurt by ALL men EVERYWHERE. Saying all men are bastards is like saying all women are stupid whores and sluts. You have no right and no justification to impose your broken view of the world on 49% of the population, most of whom you have never met. But particularly, this view imposes itself on your sons, your nephews and future son-in-laws.

What would your son or daughter think about you from your Pinterest boards or Facebook posts?

Our past can either refine us or define us. Allow your past experiences to make you a better you, so you can help raise better young men and women and end once and for all the cycle of brokenness.

14 Responses
  1. It sounds like you have worked hard to set your children up for success psychologically. I’m not a fan of the “Men are jerks / disgusting / etc” lines. It sounds like your mother’s friends represent a small selection of the women seeking to get out from under the weight of the patriarchy. They sound pretty terrible. Since you’re having the conversation with your son, how much have you discussed gender discrimination?

    The people who post shit like that on pinterest and the like are using generalizations to express frustrations caused by the patriarchal system. Perhaps you could discuss how sexism used to affect the lives of men and women and how it currently expresses itself. This is an important factor in covering why men and women will overreact with stupid generalizations about the opposite gender.

  2. Mel

    It seems to me that the current “war on men” is an over-reaction to the past, where women were quite often used, abused and/or taken for granted. However, (as they say), two wrongs don’t make a right. After the pendulum has swung from one extreme to the other, it’s bound by the laws of nature to swing back and forth again and again. Only after it achieves equilibrium can peace be accomplished. It’s time RIGHT NOW to stop lashing out and striking back. It’s time RIGHT NOW to call for forgiveness and a lasting peace, in the war between the sexes.

  3. I’m sad to hear what you went through as a young boy. I’m encouraged and blessed by your words to your son. You’ve stopped the hatred and verbal abuse in your family. If all of us who have ever been hurt as a child can stop that pain from governing our present, we can create a future void of that ever happening again. At least if we try, it’s a good start, and proof that it is possible. Thank you for your honesty and courage.

  4. Christine bates

    Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that the Pronoun “He”, was used predominantly in textbooks back in the 60’s and 70’s? It wasn’t that long ago that gender neutrality was adopted, and it was during my generation when it started. You have to wonder if many women, of a certain age. actually took teaching examples literally, or do they perpetuate stereotypes by continuing to fight for equality? How do you think women viewed a world where they were marginalized, by being ignored?
    Women still make less than their counterparts, and are still marginalized in most areas, but you didn’t have the maturity at that point to distinguish between yourself, and the object of their frustration.
    Those women who treated you that way sound more like they were acting out in defense of their own mistreatment, and you were the victim, unable to determine whether the insults were meant towards you personally, or the discussion was an attempt to correct your thinking, whether you stated your opinion or not..

    1. theAuthor

      So what part of “I was a 13 year old boy” did you choose to just skim over?
      What part of “Why should we allow men to exist? ” did you just choose to ignore?

      If I am hearing you correctly….the fact that these women had some personal issues gave the the right to make me, as a 13 year old boy, stand in front of them as they sipped their wine and smoked their cigarettes and berate me for 2 hours because I had a penis. ” Just because you have a penis doesnt make you a fucking human. Your a useless cock. We do not need you, you sperm donor”.

      My ‘favorite’ part of that one particular evening was when i was told that I had to debate the value of men and manhood and why they, once they had achieve there goal of female dominance in society, why they should allow something as ‘worthless and insipid as you’ live, ‘your nothing but a bucket of abortion that escaped the drain’.

      This group of women ran the Macquarie University women’s studies facility. My mother lead the conversation at the time…again I was 13 years of age…MY MOTHER you daft twit.

      So concerning your comment “How do you think women viewed a world where they were marginalized, by being ignored?” I dont give a shit what their personal issues where at the time…reverse the tables…but YOUR 13 year old daughter in the middle of a group of men telling her she was nothing but a useless vagina…

      According to your argument and rationalization you should be comfortable with the suggestion that “she didn’t have the maturity at that point to distinguish between yourself, and the object of their frustration.”

      Wow…i cant see that happening…in fact I’m pretty sure you would jump on every social media platform you could, ever news show and cry out for the rights of women.

      You probably also believe that the Jews made up the Holocaust and baby seal should stop whining and learn to defend themselves.

      But anyway..thank you…I’ve always wondered if 12 years of being sexually abused as a child affected my ability to parent, i no longer have that question….compared to you sweetheart, I am a fucking saint.

    2. theAuthor

      Who gives a fuck about “in defense of their own mistreatment”, that is a Nuremberg defense at its worse. Your logic dictates that the jews should of sat around with Hitler and tried to work out what affected the poor Austrian lads development. I don’t stand against anything, I stand for something.

  5. This is really terrible that you had to go through that. Unfortunately the implementation and insistence on upholding traditional gender roles allows simple-minded people to create double standards. This is what true feminism is fighting against; gender inequality, double standards, and any prejudice caused by gender. It disgusts me also that women like this often refer to themselves as feminists when they are being just as harmful to the cause of gender equality as people who abuse women. Feminism is about caring more about people than their genitals, and that’s why I’m such a devoted feminist advocate for men’s issues as well as women’s. We can’t have one without the other.

  6. Deborah A

    Bravo. People seem to not see or hear anything that doesn’t agree with their points of view in life. I commend you for the way you are striving to go forward. You have great courage. Bless you. I’m so sorry you had to see the sick people of this world; they are plentiful unfortunately. You are worth more and are more precious than anything you could imagine. You have my heartfelt sorrow, I would scoop you and every abused child into my arms and tell them the same thing. I strive to protect them if I can. I fight sex trafficking. I have been there and thank God that I may help some one to be free. All children should grow up with love and protection, I pray that someday it will be so.
    You’re parenting honestly to your children and you are doing what you can to help them grow up to be healthy adults. You’re breaking the cycle. Thank you.

  7. dominique heffley

    I very much respect the author for not repeating the past with his daughters.
    I was treated similarly to the author growing up. I was a very young girl after my parents divorced, and my father was very vocal about his bitterness towards women (after 5 marriages) – and there was nothing I could do about it. I was 8 years old. He announced he would never be with another woman again. It was too much for my heart to handle.

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