my dreams

My dreams….I hate them. I don’t know how else to put it. I dread going to bed every night. I long to know a “good night’s sleep.” A good night of sleep, for me, is more than 90 minutes. A good night of sleep is not waking screaming or reliving–not waking in a cold sweat, fearful and panicking.

Lately, things have changed. I’ve noticed that some of the mechanisms I’ve put in place have increased my sleep to around 4-6 hours. I try and nap in the afternoons, but even then, restful sleep can be a challenge. The effects of prolonged abuse is something that never leaves you. I have had doctors and therapists and preachers tell me that is a negative, defeatist outlook. But they couldn’t know that it is simply my current reality. It’s not a reality that I am planning to cling to, but it is currently what I have to deal with.

The greatest step forward I took in my journey happened when I stopped looking for my miracle and started looking to become my miracle. I started to believe that each day I would discover one more tool that would help me live a wonderful life. One of the greatest tools has been learning to manage my need for sleep and to face the demons that wait for me in my dreams.

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  • Melodi Foster
    January 23, 2015 at 8:14 am

    I had the same dream for many years. I hated going to sleep. Then my stepfather dies suddenly and the dream went away. I wish the living thoughts that take me back there, the ones that interfere with my relationships in my adult life, I wish they would go away too.

    • theAuthor
      January 23, 2015 at 1:33 pm


      why not download the free abridged book? if it is the kind of work that hits a cord with you, maybe you would consider doing a review of the full book before it come out?


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